extracts 

a collection of moments and connections i have encountered in the journey

-- - --

There was a magnificence

Maybe it was the drifting light of the sky fire, or the silence of natures tones

or the vivid green roof of the forest beside me

oh wondrous lake, maybe it was you

or perhaps it was the very skin that held my being together

 

I wasn’t sure what exactly had littered my air with peace

I wasn’t even certain it was anything in particular

but I felt a presence

and my heart, it breathed deeply

 

I was sat on a rock overlooking the calm surface of water

it glimmered in awe of its own existence

I felt that

 

I melted into an inner knowing

every element my eyes touched with their sight felt like a portal to another world

a world that knew of its own perfection

each element I looked upon was a gift from that realm

an offering, to say

breath it all in

breath it all in deeply

feel the great beauty that surrounds you

feel the great beauty that is you

now let it go, let it all go –

and continue

with your heart wide open

 

Barragem Santa Clara, Portugal // 19”08”17

-- - --

We gathered round the fire, unsure which faces we would find huddled each night around the sacred space;

singing, dancing, loving, laughing, hiding, dwelling, shining, sulking, tripping, caressing, hugging, flying –

all alive within the moment

The fire brought us family, warmth and a togetherness

its wild flames carved magical bursts of orange into the thick black void of night

In the existence within this valley of the wanderers

there was a beauty that could not be tainted, no matter the frequent downpours

the vagabonds that had carried their bodies towards the promise of simplicity and food

searching for shelter and a space to just be, away from judgment, away from fears, away from the smooth and in to the raw –

to just for some time, be amongst a family of the same seekers

the same restless adventurers, the same hopes and desires, seeking love and understanding

a tribe that would offer us all

a space

to come home

Remembering Rainbow, Portugal // 17”05”17 

-- - --

Dawn had come some hours before

How many I did not know

yet Rishikesh was still waking

The monkeys had yet to rise and be the scourge of the jhula

the bridge was free from almost all but me

 

Behind the peaks of Neelkanth the sun brought a glow that fed my senses

I could help not but stare at the vast beauty of its ethereal light

Waking too was the river

Her sereneness was not merely felt by Her majestic presence, but Her surface too was a layer of glistening peace

 

I stepped off the bridge, on to the other side, and with just a few strides I stopped face to face with Shiva, while beside us hopeful cows foraged through the streets rubbish

I had only one thought, one desire, one need, one quaking ambition, one deep feeling of a love that was about to be realised – chai.

More precisely, chai-shop-chai, ten-rupees of the finest glass cup of spiced sugary milk this side of Haridwar.

I could only embrace the morning, embrace each step, knowing that this chai was the beginning of all the unknown yet to be

 

Rishikesh, India // 30”01”17

-- - --

On this day of muster and strife

muted and still

the mind full and lonely

battling with the scorpio full moon energy

the flowers speak

Rest

They say,

Heal

From what?

I ask, insolently

What am I healing from?

From knowing

and not accepting that you know

They respond

But I don’t know anything!

I shout

That is true.. and false

You know

deep within

Look there

I’m frustrated and tired, and find the flowers to be antagonistic

Why can’t you just be clear, just say what you think I know!

Nothing. No sound is shared

My eyes stare intently at the flowers, the many colours and sizes and, as a subtle breeze picks up and mellows in sudden gentle bursts,

I watch their varying degrees of movement

dance

The yellows of the sea gypsy flowers pulse with vibrancy, their hum sweetens my eyes

As I stare deeper, I see each petal, an individual of the whole, free yet connected

The stem; strength and virility, life-force and protection

its roots filtering the unseen world beneath

The flower, I notice, a gift, an offering, from that unseen world, sprouted forth from the life of existence below,

a world so vast in brilliance, so pure in magic, so fully incomprehensible to our cautious minds, cosmic and earthly,

abundant and free, limitless in its divinity, powerless in its innate majesty

The beauty of the hidden kingdom below

is only ever seen, only ever felt

from what it nurtures and allows to grow and sprout from within

Ah yeah,

I smile

I know

Aljezur, Portugal // 02"05"18

-- - --

World, what are you?

Your love is staggering

I say this to honour the catastrophe of awe you have plagued me with

now I seek it at each and every corner

each stream of light, each breath

I reach out to taste your tremors

to shatter my wasteful perceptions

The undoing you bestow upon me is my fortress

I succumb innately to your mastery

your fragments of rapture spark my inner chambers alive

We am I

You caress

I am you

We confirm

I am

I say

There is light now, its root is the darkness that once stood

that once was a filter for all that could be, it was the promise and the perfection

it was the silent knowing

the reckoning

the nourishment of nothingness

And it was formed of our essence

it was formed of our birth, our conception, our seed, our void

it was our ancestors

it was our children

it was the infinite expanse of unquantifiable glory

It is us

Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala // 05"03"18

-- - --

He had heard the question asked countless times

from adults and children

on days when light spilled from the sky

and days when the sun was just a forgotten friend

He had heard it asked through tears and through laughter

day time and night

Heard it asked in churches and temples

between strangers and kin

heard it sung in the hallows of sleep

and whispered in the gaze of candlelight


But ever since he had seen the silent sky on new moon night

he knew the answer


We were born to witness the stars into being


Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala // 27"02"18

-- - --

Sunrise

As the brightness emerged from behind the ocean

I sank

a thin glow of pink elevated and brought with it silence within

The layer between my soul and earth dissipated

the noise that sang was no different from that

of my heart exploding

 

I remembered a day of release, time ago

in the embrace of a melting sphere

The illumination spoke only of the moon

and your words which gently untangled the night sky

the realm of the unseen around us breezed with grace

my whole body loosened

and shivered

I was adrift amongst the heat and pleasure

of the tender air

 

Love

is what had shaken me

The merging elements of glorious wonder

sumptuous and still

 

I sunk

deeper in

I was lost within the eternal

Lost

within the free

 

SA, Mexico // 07"01"18

-- - --

 

Your spirit sang

I was not sure that you had heard it

so loud were your days confusions

 

There was a glimmer of shine

a haze of brightness that poured from your beauty

moments not of this time stood no chance

your presence lifted the present into being

so vast was the now that time slipped away

I drifted

to the shoreline

 

And there I was

looking out across the silver lake

the lone silhouette of the nameless fisherman aboard his boat, a beacon of hope, of determination

draws me in to the earthly world behind him

Volcanic mountains shrouded in twilight mist and low wisps of celestially shining clouds

Visions of endlessness

 

I hear the voice of the ancestors speak

I belong

they shout

We belong

they whisper

The rise of love within when your eyes touch the offering that begins in my soul

is the offering that begins in your soul

By this point the ancestors were chanting

their voice the language of light

the language of nature

San Marcos, Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala // 26"02"18

-- - --

It was the morning light that told me I am God

And now you think me to be egoic, full of pretentious self-worth

a prophetic loud mouth who imposes his views on your peaceful world

you dream me to be something other than I am not

because I said, I am God

But you did not see the streams of unrelenting pleasure the sky drew

the vast swathes of mystics breath that blew immeasurable joy

If I named the colours it would be just sounds and words and thought

nothing lived

nothing died within your heart

nothing was reborn

In some abhorrent uncivilised cultures they teach children that nature has no voice

that the trees are silent and incapable of love

that the dark-sky pearls that glimmer on no moon night do not sing

and that the movements and grace of the heart are not the single most exquisite dance life can offer

In these cultures they teach the young of limitations and fears and separation and greed

they teach their children that magic is not the very breath they breathe

Such violence they speak!

Such pain they suffer

I urge you to wake in the merging dawn of darkness and light

to relinquish the beasts of sleep

and step outside

to look up and be patient

Allow your eyes to inhale what they see

to teach you

and not, you teach them

Allow the mellow brilliance of light to emerge

to hold you

If you press your ear to its heart

it will roar its love for you

and it will whisper in the deepest silence of awe

Love is God

and you

are Love

San Marcos, Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala // 08”02”18

-- --

The stars had yet to sleep

glistening with harmony in the eternal sky

as I waited, patiently, for the soft whisper of orange to rise

The ocean was louder than before

deeper, richer

more soothing

triumphant

I felt that if I stepped in to her dark waters

I would be delivered to another world below

one of dream like richness, of towns and villages full of orgasmic colour and serene floating sounds

so thin it seemed

the barrier

between land and sea

I was amongst the heartache

the devilish tone of mind, that devours all

But in this moment it is clear, that the heart does not ache, ever

it is the mind that suffers and twists and chafes, the heart is unchangeable

it cannot stray from purity

from its essence of soothing love

The mind will challenge this, but the deep truth will always rise eventually

I’ve been caught here before, lost within these woods, confused by the hunger

Why have I allowed myself to be caught within this game again?

Still the stars are speaking

slowly singing the light into being

for moments they defeat my mind

with kindness they whisper to my heart

Surrender and allow your radiance to shine

the sky begins to shift effortlessly into a loose purple

do not fear, say the stars,

do not fear the radiant love that pours from your spirit, from your soul, from your every breath

The ecstasy of the ocean roars

the shimmering dots above begin to drift away, one by one, they are inhaled by the rising light
 

I stand to walk, to move towards the impending bloom of sunrise

and as I do, there is one sentence left to be heard;

If you trust, unwaveringly, free from doubt, the unquestionable grace of your own divinity,

and that of all others, then everything that happens,

does so as it should, and within this awareness

the mind is truly laid to rest

SA, Mexico // Sometime

-- - --

I awoke to the freshness of the ocean in the air

you know that feeling that feels all at once cosy and free

both knowing and thought-less

I spoke first to the trees

their green roof of shelter splayed out before me in the distance and the foreground

I spoke to them in gratitude

for they were friends

family and loved ones

I spoke softly, as the morning often dictated

I whispered inwardly to my waiting heart

and I felt, in this exchange of acknowledgment, its fire ignite

while the sun, just the same as it was only some few seconds ago 

now stroked me with a vivid glow of warmth and light


Wonderland, Portugal // 04”09”17

-- - --

I heard you calling

out from within the darkness of the night

fragments of a delicate love

sweet and free

The streets and lanes of Rishikesh were blowing a gentle wind under the blackness of the night sky

The days’ piles of burning rubbish still warm and pungent

Silence danced in the air amongst the subtle sounds of life

All shops and stalls firmly shut, awaiting only for sunrise to beckon in a new day, a new hope

I stood and stretched my back

I breathed in, deeply

an aroma of peace caressed every inch of my body

I tasted knowledge;

That harmony comes from belonging to and being in the present

allowing your soul the freedom to exist only in each moment 

unattached from the minds game of longing for the past or expecting for the future

to wish for nothing, but only feel gratitude for all you have

to feel at home within and to feel and offer love, for all, with all you are

is a freedom and gift to our own nature, our own spirit

that only each individual can awaken within themselves

Rishikesh, India // 19”01”17

-- - --

Oh the delicate awakens within

it inflames the presence of devotion

enraptures the soothing stillness that exists beneath all I see

We are the unborn

the infinite spirits of spark

glowing in ember, illuminated in glow

Graceful is our dance

and oh! How we dance

Such is our beauty that no water

not even the supremely sublime Mother Ganges

can capture our play in their reflection

We are senseless

beyond senses

everything, but divinely nothing

An essence of perfection in the song of Joy

that sings of trees sprouting skyward

of rising suns that light the kingdoms

of the sweet decay of natures’ cycle

For Joy is Life

Life tells us so

And beyond life, beyond breath, beyond light

you will find us

dancing

Barragem Santa Clara, Portugal // 17”08”17

-- - --

We were outside

I had my ear against the door

The sound of souls giving roots to our floating hearts

such music, I sensed, soothed even the rotting wooden door, this barrier between us and it

She hadn’t spoken since we’d left the grass field but suddenly she whispered

Have you ever loved the present as much as you love the past?

Such acuteness I could hardly bare

she saw so much of my soul I felt she was moulded from it

My hand was held, her gentleness the gift I had prayed for under the full moon dusk

some time previous

I had been in a village frequented by few near Vila do Bispo

I forget the month, I remember the smell

long and drifted, its scent of sea and swell and promise

Half broken, I was so full

The tutelage of the shifting winds

mellowed my aching wounds

I was sat beneath the endless vision

of a bellowing sky

drenched, subdued in the all encompassing mist

that strayed upon my eyes

and layered my world with a celestial unity

Somewhere, Portugal // 10"10”17

-- - --

Up here time melts, not from the heat, but from the haze of magic

the trees speak serenely in the ancient whisper that only trees truly know

long ago, these sounds were shared, many of us would have heard the gentle deafening murmur of the peeling barks 

these mesmeric sounds were sung as commonly as the beating of our own hearts

But the rotations of existence that bathe down there, in the plains, the towns and the cities below

that we see from the peaks and passes on our mountain splendour, have consumed and lost almost all we knew 

amongst the desires and greed

The wind dances and softly plays my favourite song, well, favourite almost were it not for the birds and rivers and the beating drum

The yellows of the afternoon sun tease my eyes with flickering disobedience and somewhere lurking, a gift from the clouds 

a cold spring breeze fights for my senses

Love resides here, I know only this. I could search all day, all night, all year if I had to for further truths, but everything I would learn, I am certain, would lead me back to this wisdom – that love resides in the mountain air.

My heart sings in its presence, praises each and every breath under its gaze, rejoices at the harmony that exhales from its movements

Each step upon this mountain path as I rise between the ridges, through the oak and pine and eucalyptus feels more than a gift, higher than a blessing, greater than magic – it feeds me, nurtures my spirit, enlivens my soul, captures my longing and speaks to me of salvation

It frees me

No longer do I quest, no longer do I want or need or have or be, no longer do I question, I see only brothers and sisters in the blossoming flowers and fauna, mothers and fathers in the exquisite and imposing trees, ancestors and teachers in the immovable and radiant rocks, great Gods and wise ascetics within the floating clouds – each element guides me through the days, tells me stories of wondrous celebration and challenges of raw, gut wrenching perseverance that bounds me free from all that is not
 

I can only stop motionless in awe at the marvels of existence up here, up here amongst the creatures of pure fantasy, I stand in unrivalled disbelief at the very potency and breathless beauty of all the illusions of nature that sing for my attention, or more accurately,

that sit, in a roaring silence, in a millennia of meditation, patiently waiting incarnate as visions of trees and flowers and rocks and sky and all manner of unimaginable brilliance

to whisper nothing but love to any and all that stop in stillness, for even just a moment, within their presence

Serra da Lousã, Portugal // 04”05”17

-- - --

Within Maa Ganga 

You are a grave

where all love flows

Within you

stem the embers of all light

From you

pours unquenchable beauty

 

With each dip, every part of our One becomes home

In your reflection I witness freed souls at play

the divinity of your wonder has cleansed their wings of movement

and where they float, above your surface

is where peace comes

to surrender

its wisdom

 

Rishikesh, India // 11”01”17

-- - --

Where was I?

It was but a glimpse of Unity

How had I got here?

The guesses could be untold in number, my imagination the only obstacle

What was I truthfully looking at?

My eyes were glowing and numb and alive with the spirit of life, everything they gazed upon

sank into the heavens of pleasure and spoke loudly, vibrantly, refreshingly of the cooling ocean that poured from within

my eyes were breathing life, breathing a substance that in this realm of earth might be named awe

but it drifted from an inner space of ethereal wonder that was composed of great alluring beauty,

vibrant rays of colour, indescribable in rhythm but were senses of gold and red and turquoise and yellow,

this substance was endless in size and capacity, and bore fruits of knowledge that softly whispered love

that had once fallen from the skies above ancient warriors deep within ceremonial courtship for the sanctity

and sacred healing of humanity.

That love was, and is, all that has ever been since before the first thought or the birth of the moon,

and it is all that shall ever be, and will continue to glow luminously even after the last grain of consciousness passes on

and all that is, is once again, simply nothing.

I surrendered to this substance that had fallen out of my being and only existed due to my awareness of its presence.

I closed my eyes and started to breathe, inwardly, through the many vacuums within my spirit,

I breathed in through my nose, and felt the air fill the lungs of a distant entity, a pleasurable source of mineral and voice,

a gentle and colossal roar sounded in the light of its beating heart, and I succumbed to its warmth and care,

and soon, before I could feel, I became the raw red and tissue of the heart, and through me it pumped

the world of spirit and cosmos and word and thought and light and love and – silence.

I stood up and walked away from the green of the grass, the falling purple of the sky, the voice and chorus of the crickets,

and ventured towards a gateway of fire, which lit up the tired, soon to be sleeping daylight,

and awoke the rising darkness of the night, and I watched as the two lights playfully jostled for power,

knowing full well which would eventually win.

I was standing at the rotating and fully flamed entrance of the gateway of fire, and it spoke to me,

in silent words so peaceful that I felt every molecule of time that had ever existed since first dawn pause in respect

First came its name

Fire of the spirit

and then its purpose

To awaken with light, the joy and wonder residing in all creatures born into breath

and it gifted me a reason

I stem from your heart, from the Source, I am nothing but the same, and the creatures, they always find me

when our hearts start to sing

I stood, shapeless

Where was I to go?

Where would you have gone?

I stepped through the gateway –

and vanished.
 

near Sines, Portugal // 30"07"17

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